Dedication and Mother's Day

My first official Mother's Day was absolutely wonderful! Chris and I considered last year as my first Mother's Day since I was pregnant and was technically a mother, but this year was more special since Hayden was able to be with us...not to mention the fact that last year's Mother's Day was the first time I went into preterm labor and ended up having to be put on bedrest...apparently, Hayden wanted to say Happy Mother's Day last year, too. :o)

In addition to being Mother's Day, we had baby dedication at church. We had not had baby dedication since last Mother's Day, so there were 16 children who were dedicated Sunday morning. The front of the church was definitely full. So many people came up to us talking about how special that service must have been for us. To be perfectly honest, it was special, but I had that personal moment of Hayden's dedication to the Lord a long time ago.

I've shared with all of you that I have had a previous tendency to be extremely controlling and fearful and uptight about certain things. I've been through some things in my life that caused me to be that way, but that didn't give me an excuse to try to have control over my life. A year of working through some things and giving certain things over to the Lord has brought me a long way with my sin of control and self-reliance.

All of that happened before Hayden was born, but when he was born, the first several weeks were tough for me. I was determined that breastfeeding would work for us, because I knew of all the benefits that breastfeeding gives to a baby. Ultimately, I thought something I could control would help control his life and make it easier for him and for me. After several weeks of crying and trying to make it work, it just wasn't working. I realized that I had tried to grasp control of him and his life and knew that I had to give it up and let the Lord take over. I remember sitting there trying to feed him and crying while realizing that it was just not working. At that moment, I dedicated Hayden to the Lord. Ultimately, Hayden belongs to the Lord and is only a gift to Chris and me. Nothing I can do can control his life and make it perfect. Sin entered this world and made it an unperfect world, and Hayden will go through some illnesses and tough times and will be affected by other people's sins just as all of us are. My job is to be his mother and to raise him to rely on Christ rather than himself.

So, baby dedication on Sunday was an outward symbol of something I had done shortly after he was born. I was so glad I was able to do it publicly, but the most special moment definitely occured that night I cried while trying to feed him and gave him over to the Lord. I've been so blessed to see how Hayden has been taken care of through these first 9 months, 2 weeks, and 6 days of his life, and it hasn't been because of anything I've done. I'm so glad he and I went through those experiences those first 6 weeks of his life. I needed that to happen. I feel so lucky God hasn't given up on the mess that I am and that He continuously tries to mold me into someone who relies on Him. I am still a mess, but God hasn't let go of me and never will. I feel so lucky and so blessed.

On another note, Hayden has had his first real illnesses this month. Nine months of not having any real illness with no fever was bound to end at some point. He got a double ear infection 12 days ago, finished his medicine on Sunday for that, and went to the doctor today with viral tonsillitis. He's feeling pretty yucky, but it will work it's way out of his system.

Here's a picture of us from Sunday. I was just glad Hayden didn't leap out of Chris' arms and crawl up the aisle. :o)